Why Can't I Stick To My Resolutions Each Year?
Do you set resolutions or intentions & never stick to them? It's all about the action, not the 'should'!
As we are now well & truly into the second half of 2022, it's valuable to check in with how the Resolutions or Intentions (which is a term I think is slightly more motivating) that we set at the beginning of the year are progressing? Whatever term we've used, have we stuck with them or, like 25% of people globally, did we stumble within the first week & then just give up because it all seemed too hard?
Setting resolutions or intentions at any time of year is an extremely powerful practise. It can move us into a positive mindset, increase our self-esteem & make us feel more empowered as we tend to adopt an internal locus of control whilst setting them. We create a therapeutic cocoon of possibility, growth & positivity within ourselves.
But, quite often, a week or two later the wheels start to fall off the wagon. That resolution to eat home-cooked dinners at least five times a week seems way too difficult when you don't get home from work until 7pm. Or the intention to exercise for 45 minutes at least three mornings a week didn't even make it past the starter's blocks when you hit snooze on the first morning. Or that resolution to leave the job you hate & find something you enjoy, in an organisation where you'd actually be appreciated, just seems too scary because you've got so many financial responsibilities.
The problem isn't with the resolutions we set, the problem is with the action that we actually take. Which is usually none! We play the 'should' game ... I should eat better, I should exercise more, I should get a new job, I should sleep more, I should do something to reduce my stress, I should talk to someone about this. 'Should' seems like an action word, but it's a delay word! Should is the perfect mental ruse that allows us to procrastinate.
For our resolutions to succeed, it's necessary to delve beyond the surface of what it is that we wish to achieve & identify what it is that we need to change about ourselves, or our circumstances, to enhance our potential for success.
& then feel good about yourself for doing it. But where's the real action in any of these steps? What have you done that will
actually move you toward achieving your resolution?
Absolutely nothing! An idea, a dream, a hope, an intention will remain just that if it's not accompanied by some sort of meaningful, purposeful, well-informed action.
One of the first things we need to assess is whether every part of our mind & body wants to achieve the intention that we set. Obviously if we're setting a resolution there's a part of us that wants to achieve it, otherwise we wouldn't even bother setting it (even half-heartedly) in the first place. But there could also be another part of us that doesn't want to achieve it, for some reason unknown to our conscious mind. We all have different parts within us, that desire different things, for different reasons & they're not all logical.
Our subconscious mind can set roadblocks for us that make it difficult to achieve certain things that we believe we want. You may consciously believe that you want to lose weight & stop binge eating, but your subconscious mind may want you to keep binge eating because it's identified it as a method that stops you stressing about the job you hate. Or you may consciously feel that you want a new job but your subconscious mind remembers when you were ten & mispronounced a word while reading out loud at school, your friends laughed & made jokes about it, you felt embarrassed & ridiculed ... your confidence plummeted. Your subconscious wants to protect you from this type of experience again so it manifests extreme nervousness & anxiety when you even think about sitting in a job interview & having to speak in front of people. So, you just stay in the job you hate, because the pain of staying seems to be less than the imagined pain of enduring an interview.
And the other vital component in achieving our resolutions is to acquire the necessary skills or upgrade the foundational ones that we have. We can't just set intentions, take no action, hope that they'll materialise & expect some kind of miraculous success. If that's the approach we take then we are setting ourselves up for failure right from the start!
If you want to eat at least five home-cooked dinners each week but you don't get home from work until 7pm, you need to acquire the skill of organising your meals for the week on the weekend or maybe even Monday night (as you'll be more enthusiastic at the beginning of the week). Or you can acquire the skill of cooking in bulk each fortnight, freezing meal-size portions & then just cutting up fresh vegetables to steam as a side dish each night. Maybe you can acquire the skill of relocating your meat from the freezer to the fridge each night & then getting up 15 minutes earlier each morning so you can cut up your vegetables for that night's dinner. These are all extremely simple, manageable skills that can set you up for success.
Or if you want to leave the job you hate, but the thought of applying for a new job & going through the interview process fills you with feelings of anxiety & dread, you can acquire the skill of managing your anxiety. I have provided tools for this in previous blogs & social media posts & can provide even more personalised techniques in-session. Or you could acquire the skill of being a successful job candidate by speaking with people who consistently achieve promotions or get offered jobs. You can identify their behaviours, thought processes, preparation & model what they do.
Resolutions without action are mere wishes & are destined to fail. But if you allow yourself to look at things differently, to objectively assess what skills or upgrades are necessary to make your intentions a reality & then take action on that quality information ... you will reveal successes you may never have even imagined ...
And don't beat yourself up, or give up, if you don't succeed immediately or you experience a full-blown failure! Because 'failure' is just an opportunity to learn, acquire new knowledge & skills. When you were a baby & you gradually progressed from commando rolling across the room (which my son was an absolute champion at!) to pulling yourself up to a standing position against a lounge chair & then eventually taking a few tentative steps across the room ... you didn't quit because you fell over ... you didn't think, this is too hard for me & I'll never learn to do it ... you didn't feel overwhelmed, incompetent & give up ... you didn't care about people's opinions of your abilities or allow them to limit your attempts ... you experienced each attempt as an adventure, as exciting, as challenging ... as skill building!
Take a leaf out of the book of your younger self ... set a goal, take action ... & if at first you don't succeed ... just strive, strive again.
Comments
Post a Comment